SPAM

Computers have been around for a long time. Ok, not a LONG time, but they've been around and the technology is constantly expanding. We can use computers for everything from writing papers to playing games; they're functional and FUNctional!

 Yeah, even I thought that was bad...

Here's my question though (and the point of this whole article): why does spam still exist?

 No, not...yeah, okay this too.

But I'm talking about spam emails. I get hundreds of random, junk emails every week. Yes, we have filters and such, but why not just delete the things? Sure, some random person might get their email deleted but most of the time, I don't want to talk to them anyways! 

To give you an idea of why I'm so adamant about this, lets take a look at some of the spam email I got this week, shall we?

Monday

From: "My Life"

Subject: "See who's searching for you"

Message:

 Possibly taken with my phone...

This creeps me out for several reasons. First of all, My Life is apparently emailing me. That can't be good. Second, someone is apparently looking for me. I don't like that... because it's weird. It's even weirder that they're looking with some random website. Don't they know about Facebook? Facebook is basically made so that you can "reconnect" with people. And, on Facebook, you can stalk the person without them knowing. This website apparently tells the person you're looking for them. Weird. It's probably just a bunch of old ladies with a thousand cats looking for their old boyfriends who were actually trampled in a protest in the 60's. 

Stupid cat-lady hippies. Get off the internet. 

Tuesday

From: Jesusita Jennette 

Subject: xnfo8

Message: 

That says "e4". Just to be clear.

I don't even know what this means. If I had to guess (and I have to, otherwise this would be boring), I would probably say that this lady is an abandoned alien in Mexico, trying to find her way home. She's reaching out to me because she thinks I believe in them and will do anything to help her. Well, shes wrong! If she is an alien and wants my help, she had better come right to my doorstep with cash and ask on her knees. Are you reading this, Jesusita? CASH MONEY ON THE STEP.

 And it had better be Benjamins...

 

Its not that I think I'm better than the Martians, my skills are just that awesome.*

More likely though, its some, *ahem* LARGE woman who fell asleep on her keyboard. Or she was drunk. 

Wednesday

From: Bathroom Remodel

Subject: "update that outdated bathroom"

Message: 

Now I'm offended. These people don't know me! They don't know what my bathroom looks like! I could have the finest faucets and tubs and toilets on the market. There is a toilet that will flush 36 golf balls at once! Maybe I have that! You don't know me, nameless-bathroom-remodelers! So, step off before I slam 36 golf balls **CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED**!!!! So, there. 

Thursday

From: Kaye Virgil

Subject: "Buy brand name and GENERIC DRUGS online"

Message: 

Your bathroom isn't all that great either, jerks.

There are a lot of things wrong with this one. Not only are they offering me "generic drugs", the sender name sounds like the type of person to send me a bunch of crack-laced roofies for my flu. This is just a very bad idea. I'd rather stick to DayQuil from Wal-mart. Wait, is that any better?

Friday

From: Zoosk

Subject: Online Dating. Your Way.

Message:

Apparently, their ad was to tell me its an ad. Very effective.

Oh, I know this place. They're the ones with the badly filmed commercials that talk about bad first dates. To me, is seems like they might be doing well since they have both bad tv commercials and bad email ads. I mean, this one's blank. Also, the "Date Your Way" tag concerns me a little bit. The idea of roofies, a laundry room from How I Met Your Mother (trust me, it's bad) and lots of illegal drugs, all for the sake of "This is how I date, fool!" 

Concerning. Very concerning.

So that's my week in spam emails. Don't feel bad that you got like 600; so did I. These were just some of the easiest to make fun of. Other emails this week included: multiple drug sales, Swinging Seniors info, and How To Find My Russian Soulmate, but talking about those might've gotten racist, or gross.

*My skills aren't that good either, but the Martians owe me for taking Elvis.

Darth Vader Wins

Super-villains have lost what once made them great. Once upon a time, a super-villain struck fear into the hearts of those who watched them, not just the heroes that fought them. Super-villians were meant to be imposing, frightening and ruthless. These days it seems like most are just cliched fat dudes seeking vengance on their one archenemy.

Case and point.

However, despite Lex Luthor ruining the curve of super-villian awesomess (not every bald guy is bad, kids), there are still a few villains that send a shiver down my spine. Joker, for example, seems to get creepier and crazier with every new redition and even though I'm never threatened by him, I always worry that maybe Batman won't stop him this time. And secretly, I want him to win one.

That's what a villain needs to be; an adversary that you love to hate. And we just don't have those anymore. So, while Joker ranks pretty high on my list of classic favorites, there's one man who stands alone in my mind. One man who still remains an icon, 30 years after his death. That's right folks.

Darth Vader.

Buh-nuh!

There are a lot of reasons to love Darth and even more since the prequels came out. Allow me to explain.

He Rules the Universe
Darth Vader didn't come to this game to play around; he came to win. And while all these other pansy's are conquering individual planets or the moon, Darth Vader took the freaking universe. And he did it with ease. I mean, barely anyone ever saw him, yet his name was whispered in infamy. This dude was just bad. I mean, the movies don't do him justice. You never see him conquer anything, but if you think about how he got to where he was, he's pretty awesome. Also, remember this?

I want my nachoes!!

That picture demonstrates just how awesome Darth Vader really is. Think about it. He literally hijacked their ship and sent his minions in to kill everyone on board. Then, he stormed in and interrogated the lone survior by choking him. Then he killed him. That is just pure awesomeness.

He Was Able To Kill His Enemies
Too many bad guys these days just run around blowing things up before the hero comes and stops them. And robbing a bank or two really doesn't do much when you factor in how much goes to bail and the next heist.

Meanwhile, Vader had the most epic advesaries; the Jedi Order. Protectors of the galaxy, masters of the Force, all that. Vader flat destroyed all of them. Hunted them down and made sure they weren't ever going to beat him.

He even killed those squirrels

He Chose To Lose
Vader did not just randomly get defeated. Like I said, he destroyed every possible threat to him that existed. He cut off his own son's hand and destroyed his daughters adopted planet to prove his point. This man did not jack around. Thus, when he was defeated, it was on his own terms. He sacrificed himself to save his kid when Luke officially failed at everything he had set out to do the whole franchise.

"I couldn't kill the Emperor, but I've got the creepy stare down."

So, like a true dad, Vader saved his butt. But Vader's death was no mere "I stab you with my lightsber." Oh no. It was "I shall pick up your sorry, evil shriveled body and toss you into an infinite pit while withstanding lightning blasts! RAWRGH!!!!!" That's no ordinary bad guy death; that's the death of the GREATEST VILLAIN EVER.

It definitely looked like this.

He Has An Amazing Hideout
Most villains have a multimillion dollar company or an abandoned warehouse or a van to hide in. Darth Vader had an entire spaceship, with thousands of crew members as big as a moon. It's the size of what some of those lamer villains are trying to conquer. Also, it has a planet destroying laser.

There's just one tiny little hole that will blow the hole thing up.

He Became Darth Vader on a Fluke 

Everyone knows the big, bad, asthmatic Darth Vader. He came around in the 80's. More recently, audiences were shown who Darth Vader was before. 

Less awesome

That nerd is Anakin, father of Luke and Leia (remember, he's mentioned like twice in the originals) and a member of the Jedi Order. I won't go into details but after several traumatic incidents (losing an arm, dating someone 15 years older than him and his mom getting slaughtered) Anakin decides that the Light Side of the Force just aint working for him anymore and goes completely awesome. 

To be awesome, just add a hood.

Anakin slayed the entire Jedi Order before he even got the helmet and breathing apparatus. He was awesome before he "was" Darth Vader. The suit just made him more awesome. But the suit was actually a fluke. Once again, Vader's tiny bit of compassion shone through and he decided to not just wreck shop on Obi-Wan's face the moment they run into each other.

Which is good, because we would have missed out on this.

Back to my point. Anakin doesn't immediately waste Obi-Wan, choosing instead to participate in the greatest lightsaber battle of all time. Then...he gets cocky. Instead of the classic trick of "Look! Over there!" and stabbing Obi-Wan when he turned around, Anakin decides to leap dramatically over his head....and gets his legs chopped off by Obi-Wan. Then Obi-Wan leaves him to burn alive in a magma river.

Jedi Compassion goes out the window when there's lava around

As a result of this cocky fluke, we get awesomeness. 

AWESOMENESS

He Killed His Mentor

So, lets fast forward 20 years (or rewind, depending on what order you keep the movies). Obi-Wan is now "Old Ben" and Luke is looking for excitement. Obviously, they should go fight Darth Vader. So, they set off, team up with Indiana Jones and his pet bear, find the moon of a space station, get trapped and then Obi-Wan gets chopped in half.

*Reenactment*

 So, Darth Vader takes vengeance, 20 years later. This dude can hold a grudge and reciprocate the man's lack of compassion. Well done, sir. Well done.

He Only Lost the Battles Because His Minions Sucked

I've already mentioned how Darth Vader only lost because he wanted to. If you think about it, in his suit, the guy was kind of invincible. His only failures came from his minions and their incompetence. Here are two examples of said stupidity:

1. The First Trench Battle

Anakin was a super awesome pilot so it stands to reason that Darth Vader would be just as skillful. And, let's be honest, he flew through that trench like a boss. However, he failed to blow up Luke because his minion flew into him and caused him to careen into space. Remember?

Normally, calmly flying through the trench....

Then the TIE Fighter pilot spazzes out and slams into Darth Vader...

...and sends Darth spiraling into oblivion.

 

 So, as you can see, Darth Vader was not responsible for his first defeat at the hands of the rebels (unless you count Force Unleashed). Instead, it was the idiotic lackey in the TIE Fighter next to him. And the final picture demonstrates Vader's skill as a pilot. He pulled himself out of a 180-vertical spin and survived. Impressive.

2. The Flaw in His Machine
For some unknown reason, there is a hole in the Death Star capable of blowing the whole thing up. And it's not even on the bottom of the circular station. It's in the middle, with a trench leading up to it. Everyone can agree this is an idiotic design. However, Vader cannot be blamed. The guy funding it always hires someone else. Thus, this poorly planned design of a death machine can once again be blamed on an idiot lackey. We can safely assume that the man responsible was choked to death.

I think I've made my point. Darth Vader is the world's greatest villain. If you don't agree, re-read the article. If you still don't agree, just close your browser and return to your cave. Don't tell me why you disagree, because I don't care.

It's the best policy.

Life

Imagine a giant canvas; the biggest in the world. It's ever evolving, the picture shifting and flowing as though the paint and image are alive, with their own thoughts and emotions. Meanwhile, the artist sits back and watches His creation move. Occasionally, He will intervene, moving His brush through His creation and influencing and helping His creation through their struggles.

The canvas is life. We are the art, moving and weaving through the world. As we attempt to live our lives, we are forever watched by a loving creator who wants nothing but the best for us.

How comforting is that?

But, no matter how comforting that fact may be, we are separated from our Creator, with only His brushstrokes in our life to remind us He is there. God has given us the instruction book for life in His Word. All we have to do is read it.

Faith. It's a powerful thing.

Separation though, it can hurt. Our lives are not what they were meant to be; instead, we live in a world filled with sadness, death and pain. Temptation, physical desires and sin run rampant through the world. Crap happens and, a lot of the time, life is hard.

It's what we get for eating the apple. And we deserve it.

However, our Creator is loving and just and hates to see us suffer. Oh, how He loves.

As a result, God painted in a Savior into our world, a Savior named Jesus. Jesus is God's Son, the perfect lamb and sacrifice, sent to save us.

God, the Creator of the world, the universe, the One who knows every star in the galaxy and how many hairs are on your head created a Son. He created a perfect being, simply to sacrifice himself to save our pathetic, sorry, ungrateful and evil, wicked selves.

That is how much He loves us, His creation.

It's tried and cliche; you've heard it all before. But, I want you to really think about it, as you sit there on your computer with Facebook, Myspace or Twitter open in another tab. You're probably just skimming this, hoping it will get funny.

As you read this, I want you to think about exactly what the Jesus' sacrifice meant for YOU. Not for the world, but for you.

God created a Son and sent Him to the earth to save YOU. He sent Him so that YOU would not have to rot for eternity in a pit of fire, wasting away in the torment of your own sin. He loves YOU enough to ignore your denial, your blatant disobedience and your selfish nature and sacrifice Himself to save you.

This was not an easy death.

The epitome of perfection was sent to our sinful, pain-filled world with a single purpose: to save YOU. He witnessed and He preached and He saved.

Then He died.

Slowly, gruesomely and painfully, our Savior left us. This was not an electric chair. There was no flash of light and then death.

Jesus' skull was impaled with three-inch thorns, tearing at his flesh and causing blood to drip down his face. And as He stood their bleeding, our Creator listened to His beloved creation booing and mocking and screaming for His death.

This crucifixion was so much worse than any of us can possibly imagine.

He was then lead into the back and stripped down. A bulky, well-muscled man that Jesus Himself created walked in and laid waste to his flesh. The whip he used to peel our Savior's flesh away in this sick game had glass, rocks and thorns woven into it.

Jesus was beaten by His own creation until he was literally an inch from death.

He was stood up, blood oozing down His back and His muscles exposed. His crown of thorns was returned and they gave him a cross to carry. It was not the cross you're used to. Two square beams, probably the size of tree trunks were strapped together, the wood splintering and rough.

This two-hundred pound hunk of wood rested on His exposed muscle, splinters stabbing Him as He walked. The whole time, His own creation, those He'd come to save, spat in His face and called Him names.

Finally, He reaches the mount where He is to die. His clothes are taken. All of them and He is completely exposed. As they raise Him up, they gamble his clothes away and their Savior looks down at them like a common criminal.

Ungrateful, sick, disgusting and cruel were His executioners. According to the Bible, YOU are no better.

Your sin and your pride are the reason He was tortured and beaten. WE are all to blame.

As Savior hung there, thirsty and weak. When asked for water, the guards spat in His face one more time and pressed vinegar to His chapped lips.

Our Savior hung there, nails in His flesh, digging at the muscle as gravity pulled Him down.

Something you probably don't know: when nailed to the cross, they did not just lay there, waiting to die. Instead, victims had to fight against gravity just to breathe, pulling themselves up buy their nailed arms alone, the nails rubbing against bone. Sometimes, a plank of wood would be placed at the base of their spine to make it harder to breathe. Eventually, the victims would become so weak, they could no longer breath and would suffocate to death.

This is what Jesus went through for YOU. But His death was even worse.

In the middle of it all, Jesus took on the sin of the whole world, past, present and future. He took on YOUR sin; every lie, every bad thought, every dirty little secret that you've ever had. Jesus took it all. The perfect man bathed in our sin and our misery. He suffered and cried and the God, His own Father, turned his back on Jesus.

God has promised that He will NEVER forsake us. But, He couldn't look at that much sin.

THAT is the story of the crucifixion. THAT is what Jesus went through for YOU. You should feel sick, ashamed and depressed. We are so unworthy of His grace, His mercy and His love.

Yet, He is jealous for us.

He hates the fact that we turn away from Him to pursue the trivial. We turn away from Him the second our life gets bad or get bored with physical limitations of a relationship. In a MOMENT, we turn away from the One who gave His life for us to live....and we don't even care.

Sure, we come back eventually. As soon as we need something, we're best friends with God again.

It's disgusting. WE deserve the cross. WE deserve to die horrible and painful deaths. The Bible says that blood and water poured from Jesus' body after He was stabbed. According to science, that ONLY happens when every single one of your bodies major organs shut down.

Jesus' body shut down, slowly, one piece at a time before He finally did. Imagine the pain and the suffering that comes from that? That's what we deserve. That's what He did.

There's a happy ending to this story and that's what everyone thinks about. "Everything turned out okay in the end, so it really wasn't that bad."

(WARNING: Graphic) This says otherwise.

I recently felt convicted to write this blog. I have no idea how to end it besides saying remember the beauty of life and the pain that was required to ensure our security. Stay close to God; He will never forsake us, so why should we forsake Him?

I've recently been struggling with a lot of demons and I know I'm not the only one. So take heart, fellow believers and stay true to your Savior. He loves you and wants to hold your hand through it all. Remember the gravity and graphic imagery of His crucifixion if you ever doubt His love.

In Christ,
Spencer

The Office

What's Next For The Office?

The Office. Definitely an American classic. Because what is America with out our shameless amounts of remakes and rip-offs?

Despite being a remake of a popular British sitcom of the same name, The Office of the U.S. has more than held it's own. It's seventh season is currently airing on NBC, every Thursday night.

*Shameless plug*

The Office is one of my favorite shows on TV right now and is my third favorite show of all time. Recent news has been flying about as the seventh season draws to a close. It was announced during the break between seasons six and seven that Steve Carell (who plays the quirky but lovable manager, Michael Scott) will be leaving the show.

This comes as quite a shock and is incredibly depressing. In my opinion, Michael is the glue that holds the show together; remove him and the whole thing will fall apart.

I honestly don't believe the show can function without Steve, which makes the networks decision to continue with it feel like a stab in the heart. Of course, the show has plenty of characters, all of whom are funny in their own right and the current plan is to run the show and focus on them.

This idea is cool in a way, since it allows for a deeper character exploration of other characters besides Jim and Pam and their beautiful relationship.

Six years leading up to the greatest TV wedding of all time.

Personally, I think that focusing on the smaller characters will be fun. Can't go wrong with a little more Creed in your life; not to mention the more recent addition of new secretary and orphan Erin. So, yes. Life without Michael can potentially be fun...for a little while.

The problem with this "No-Steve" situation is that the entire show revolves around him. Every episode has Michael providing the key plot line while the smaller characters are sub-plots. Thus, some serious rewriting and restructuring is needed for every episode and I'm afraid that the simple humor that is The Office will be lost as each episode bounces between three or four plots.

The writing of the show is about to become a science and will have to be treated as such. What is even more worrisome is the overall weakness of the last two seasons. Granted, all these plot changes could be a set up for something bigger (like the printer problems discovered in the end of season six). However, they will actually have to do something with the plot points (UNLIKE the printer problems discovered in the end of season six).

To make matters worse, the writers are supposedly planning to keep the manager position relatively empty, bringing in guest stars for brief stints and having the Office workers fight over the position. Once again, this seems like it will draw away from the plot points of the lesser characters we're supposed to be exploring.

My thoughts exactly, Kevin.

So, The Office is probably going to be a little touch-and-go next season as the writers try to flesh out the new system. However, they're going to have to find a groove quickly; the lesser characters are going to get boring after about a season.

For now, though, I'm going to enjoy Michael Scott's presence until the summer. For those of you that don't know, they're planning on sending Michael out with a huge bang.

There will be a story arc that spans four episodes leading up to Micheal's exit. This story arc will end with Micheal "getting what he deserves," though we may not necessarily like it. As spooky as that sounds, we can definitely expect some upcoming fun as Will Ferrell will join the show for Michael's final episodes (not to worry, fans. He will not be replacing Michael permanently). Even better, it looks like we get tosee Michael's movie next week!

Yes, Michael's last few days will definitely be fun before Steve leaves us crying in a corner. There is a bit more hope for the upcoming seasons however. Michael's departure will not be the season finale. Instead, we will have a bit of a taste for what life will be like without Michael. And, based on that, we can decide if we're going to keep watching next season.

Keep it up guys. You're our only hope.

Yes, next season of The Office will probably separate the die-hard from the casual fans but stay faithful, Office lovers. We will rebuild. We will survive. But, good grief. We'll miss you, Steve.

I SAID STAY FAITHFUL!

Happiness?

Happiness is a fickle thing.

Like the rest of the trends of our lonely world, happiness moves in and out of popularity. Some days, it's cool to be happy and smiling; others, it's OK to listen to screamo music in your skinny jeans.

But, whether it's in style or not, happiness seems to be relative. Everyone has their spirit's lifted by something different. It can be something physical, something emotional, something musical or just something stupid. It's always different for everyone. And sometimes, there are days where you can't be cheered up at all...

Everyone compares emotions to a roller-coaster; they go up, down all-around and back again. In my particular case, I prefer to think of it as a series of hills, each bigger than the last. As you climb the hill of your latest emotional distress, you are able to look back and realize just how small the hill you last climbed really was. That's the thing about life, especially when you're a teenager. Everything is a huge deal. In the moment, everything seems like it's the end of the world. Then, you look back on it and realize that the whole thing was stupid after all.

In my opinion, the world thinks too highly of relationships; everybody needs one or you're not cool. As a result, there are thousands of pre-teens and teenagers giving away their heart, bit-by-bit everyday to some Beiber-haired punk who will be gone in three weeks. But each "relationship," if we can even call them that, is emotionally stressful and taxing; each break up even more so. So, is that what's cool? To be able to say, "Hi, I'm fifteen and I've had my heart broken nine times already." You answer no, but when you think about it, the answer is yes.

The same way that sex has been made cool and casual, so have the words love and relationship. All three go hand-in-hand and because of society's pressures and teenage hormones, we've have way too many babies with teenage mom's.

Happiness is a fickle thing.

A relationship satisfies you briefly, for a split-second in the clock of life. Then, when it's past, you have an hour of clean-up to do before you're ready to move on. At least, that's how it should be.

Society isn't sensitizing kids to blood and gore and language and sex. More importantly and detrimentally, it's sensitizing them to their emotions. Love and hate spring to our lips all too readily without any idea of the implications and meaning of the words themselves.

We don't even know what we're feeling. Love is actually lust that fades after a few moments; hate is merely jealousy and selfish anger that consumes us for a second. But those moments are all it takes. In one moment of either of these underrated emotions, something precious is given away or taken, something you can never get back. In a moment of lust believed to be love, the most important wedding gift is given away. In a moment of anger or jealousy, someone is injured, perhaps even killed.

This is the America I see today. No longer the land of the free, but the land of the weak. So spoiled and desensitized are we by society and social norms and peer pressure, we have no willpower to fight the humanistic demons inside of us. We are weak, incapable of being our own person, instead willingly molding ourselves to mirror the example society has given, pursuing promises of happiness and acceptance.

Happiness is a fickle thing.

What is the point? Why do we continually strive for these things society promises? Because we wish to combat the other emotions we don't like to admit are there.

Insecurity, loneliness and self-loathing. We all struggle with them at times. Why? Because society has created them.

What does anyone have to feel insecure about if there are no supermodels to compare themselves to?
Would we be lonely without a significant other if society didn't say we needed one?
And what would we hate about ourselves if we were all accepted?

Relationships are idiotic, yet we all search for one. We all search for contentment and happiness. Society promises that all that will come if we are in a "relationship." But what exactly does that mean?

Relationship is a misused word today. We all have one, several in fact. Friends, families, coworkers, everyone you interact with on a daily basis, you have a relationship with all of them. So what makes a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship any different?

The physical.

We are weak, selfish and pathetic, seeking a romantic partner too early in life simply because we cannot control our raging hormones. It's wrong and unhealthy for both parties. And, eventually, it can only lead to a bad place.

Sex, love and drugs all offer you momentary satisfaction, a concept our country is obsessed with. We want happiness and we want it now, so we take it without stopping to think about the repercussions of our actions. Society lies, tempting us with false promises. In the end, everything that brings us momentary happiness will fade or hurt.

Happiness is a fickle thing.

Epic Resolutions

2010 was a pretty awesome year so it'll be pretty hard to top it, but I'm going to try! HEre a few of my own personal ideas on how to make 2011 as EPIC as possible.

- Teleport to the moon and see if it's actually made of cheese
- Have an old-style fight to the death, complete with jousting, sword-fighting and pie-eating.
- Participate in a unicorn hunt.

And EAT IT.

- Fly over the rainbow and slap that Lion in the face.
- Have dinner with Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion.
- Do away with that Footloose remake.
- Race the Flash and WIN.
- Create my own soundtrack for my life.
- Immortalize myself in the internet.
- Travel to New York and punch the Statue of Liberty in the face.
- Learn to breakdance.
- Rock a pair of M.C. Hammer pants.
- Single-handedly induce and (three days later) stop a zombie apocalypse.
- Be a cowboy for a day.
- Play in something radioactive, risking death but chancing superpowers.
- Build and fly my own TARDIS.
- Crowd surf at a concert.
- Legit par-cor through a mall/park/neighborhood.
- Tackle a Christmas tree while wearing tights and a green jacket.
- Shoot a bazooka, at nothing in particular. Just shoot it.
- Make a Batman cowl and run through a mall while wearing it, chasing a clown.
- Play basketball with Obama.
- Take a chainsaw to Robert Pattinson's face.
- Travel to Harry Potter world and compete in a wizard duel.
- Don't mention Tom Cruise, AT ALL ALL YEAR.
- Two words: BULL FIGHT.
- Build a lightsaber. Slice things with said lightsaber.
- Joy ride in a Lamborghini.


So, yeah. These are my epic resolutions. Obviously, my year will be awesome!
Happy New Year, friends!

Christmas Clichés

Christmas Clichés

Merry Christmas, darling readers, as you walk through this winter wonderland; I hope your day is merry and bright as you jingle all the way to Grandmother’s house.

God rest ye, merry gentlemen, let nothing dismay you because Santa Claus comes tonight. Yes, here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus lane. He’s being lead through the fog by Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer. He has a very shiny nose, you know.

The first Christmas nerd

Baby, its cold outside, so be sure to bundle up tight as you gaze upon your Christmas tree. Oh, Christmas tree, your leaves are so…green. I hope you roast chestnuts on an open fire and that Jack Frost nips at your nose. Actually, no; I do not wish that upon you. It’s just creepy.

In what universe do I want that to bite me?

So, as you‘re sticking it to those Pagans this year with commercialism and frivolity, be sure to enjoy yourself. But, watch out for old mister Grinch, for he’s a mean one. Some even call him a heel.

What a HEEL!

But, no seriously, let’s not forget what this season is about: the birth of the Savior. Somehow, Santa Claus and presents and selfishness came into play and we overlook that sometimes. Charlie Brown was right when he whined about his own dog’s commercialism. It affects us all.

Ol' Chuck's just jealous.

So, hang that candy cane on your tree this year and spend time with your family but let’s put this presents aside and focus on togetherness, love, compassion and forgiveness (everything you won’t find in a mall this time of year). And if we all do that, I think we’re in for a very bright new year.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Whoa, wait. I totally missed Frosty the Snowman. *Ahem*

“Wear that magic hat and dance through the street, singing to spread Christmas cheer”. I threw Elf in for good measure.

Amazing movie. Go watch it.